Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
