South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
