It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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