I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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