Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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