theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
