I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
