Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
