I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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