Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
