i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
