I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I showed him my bush... on skype.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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