it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
