1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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