dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
