either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
