Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
