I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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