TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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