Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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