i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
