Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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