so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
