Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
