I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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