Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
this just has baby written all over it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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