WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
sex in a hospital.. check
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
