We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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