Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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