all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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