it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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