She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
