So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
