Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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