if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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