He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
