I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
