dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
