Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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