So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
