I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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