I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
