38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she told me i tasted like america
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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