there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
