he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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