I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
