just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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