im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
