U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
