i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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