How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
