I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
