Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
