Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize