goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
