You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just googled if crying burns calories
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
