he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
