I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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