is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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