Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
