Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
