Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
