Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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