its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
