38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this boner is exhausting
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
