Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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