we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
