I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
