So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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