I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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