Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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