i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dignity is for republicans.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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