And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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